where i belong

it's so funny when i find myself resisting a change and then all of the sudden one day i wake up and it's just a matter of fact, "this part of my life is going to change now."  that is what happened with annie up.  i've loved everyone in the band and being able to perform with them, but that matter of factness set in last week.  i showed up to rehearsal on thursday and let them know it might be a good idea to start looking for someone new.  so here i am with my last month as an official member of the band, getting ready to set out again on my own once again.  i must say it's much like a break up.  exciting because the possibilties that lie ahead are endless but also scary because you're on your own...traveling through life as an individual. 

while playing in a cover band was INCREDIBLE performance experience, i think it's time i really start to figure out what i'm doing...what i have to offer.  the new keyboard player they found came to our gig last Saturday and kept asking me, "what are you going to do? what are you going to do? why are you quitting? what are you going to do?"  honestly, i can't answer that question yet, but i can tell you one thing and that is annie up is no longer where i belong.

The music's too loud

Sometimes I turn the music up so loud I drown everything out in my life...it's not necessarily the good and the bad but more so the experience itself.  Don’t get me wrong – I’m doing TONS of stuff…in fact, probably too much.  I found myself sitting at my kitchen table tonight, taking my nail polish off (wondering if it is really “green”), reading an article in Yoga International when I realize I’m reaching to turn my music up louder…..it’s not that I can’t hear the music…it is more like I am getting into the article a little too deep and looking for a way out of confronting something internally.  It’s been so very easy (being busy) to let myself become distant to everything around and so detached that I’m not really experiencing but just doing.

I used to attend these meditations where the theory of thought was the experience is where it all is – or at least that is what I took from it.  I guess that must have just been my experience, though, because that I what I’ve found to be so true - if we are not experiencing what are we doing after all?

So here I find myself SUPER busy every week…looking for more and more ways to get out of my space and into some other area of “importance.”  The funny thing?  I do feel like I find myself in important positions, but that alone is not satisfying to the soul.   So here I am truly wanting to find out what purpose I am really to have.  I mean I think I’ve always been a searcher and wonderer, but I really feel like right now it’s in go mode.  Decisions have never been this easy to make.  Basically the train of thought seems to be “does this feel right in my gut? No. Ok then time to go.”  It’s almost like all those burdening decisions that would take me months or even a year to make happen all of the sudden now….the pain is all still there, just not quite as long. 

Anyway – before I fall asleep at the table  I’m going to bed – but I guess all I’m doing is trying to remind myself to enjoy the experiences of life – no matter what the present situation is.  AND my wish is for you to enjoy your life experiences as well….wherever you find yourself…

Peace, Love Grace

Em

brief update

So this month has been WILD!  I started working at KWCH 12 & KSCW earlier in the month and have been very busy with The Weekend Crew Show, web videos, social media, etc. for that and still playing with the band.

Keep your eyes peeled for the show on KWCH 12 on Saturdays at 10:35 p.m. and KSCW channel 33/cable 5 at 6:30 p.m. on Sundays.  It is a lot of fun and a great show about local businesses!

Also, you can find the shows online at kansascw.com  and the daily videos we post at kscwtv.com

Also, our band has just been booked in Las Vegas again for April!  We will be playing at Mandalay Bay!  Great place!

and the fundraiser I talked about for my friend Jon was a HUGE success, so thank you everyone that participated and donated.  He is an incredible man and I'm so glad he is loved by so many people. 

Anyway, it's a little late, so I'm headed to bed but thought I'd give you all a quick update.

Peace Love Grace

Em

2011

Wow, it is 2011!  Apparently, I am not a very good blogger on my own site...haha

So many new things have happened in the last couple of months, I do not even know where to start! 

I guess I will start with school.  I graduated December 12, 2010 with a bachelor's in music performance (jazz studies).  It was really scary for the two weeks after that when I was kind of just like, "what's next?"  I found myself clinging to the things I did have in my life to define me.  It is so funny how much we can define ourselves as "student" or "girlfriend" or even "Miss Kansas."  Sometimes we can do that to the point of forgetting who we are deep down.  So I found myself at the point around Christmas. 

Learning how to retrust and find faith in the universe is always a painful experience, but a very wise person once told me that without the pain, there is no growth. 

On an exciting note, I have found myself a very lucky individual to be employed starting Monday, Janury 10.  I will give some more specific details once everything is official, but let me just say, it is a GREAT opportunity!

Also, Annie Up is doing very well.  We have had a lot of continued succes in Oklahoma and had an AMAZING New Years Eve Party here in Wichita.

I want to give a shout out to my dear friend from high school, Jonathon Blank.  He was injured in Afghanistan in October and there will be an auction held to raise funds for his family and him.  It will be next Sunday, January 16th at the Augusta High School.  Lunch at 12 and the auction at 2.  Hope to see you there!

One last thing, Miss Kansas 2010, Lauren Werhen (who also happens to be a friend!) is competing at Miss America next Saturday on ABC, so make sure to keep your eye out for her.  She is a beautiful woman with a great shot at the crown!

Until next time (and hopefully it won't be several months)

Peace, Love and Grace

Em

on the road

Ok, mark your calendars!  Thursday, December 9th at 2:30, I will be giving my Senior Recital!  Woot woot!  Then, graduation!

What a busy year this is!  I have to say that I am truly enjoying it, though.  Classes are coming along ok and I finally have some direction for my recital, so all that should fall into place. 

What I really want to talk about is being on the road with the band.  Seriously, I LOVE IT!!!!!!  I would love to travel 5-7 days a week!!!  Now, when I walk into a gas station, it feels like home...ok, I don't love that part.  But seriously, I love driving to gigs, setting up, tearing down, heading to the hotel, hanging out, waking up late (or early, depending on the day), trying to work out on one of those crappy hotel treadmills, eating a bruised apple I threw in my suitcase, so on and so on.   I could describe every moment I think!  It is so nice to discover that not only do I thrive on that performance time itself, but I love to community of the band and being on the road.  The whole package!!!  Now, I have really got the passion in my gut!  Can't wait to see what happens...

Anyway, apparently I have to get sleep in order to function, so as usual, goodnight!

I wish you awareness today!

Peace Love and Grace

Em