The music's too loud

Sometimes I turn the music up so loud I drown everything out in my life...it's not necessarily the good and the bad but more so the experience itself.  Don’t get me wrong – I’m doing TONS of stuff…in fact, probably too much.  I found myself sitting at my kitchen table tonight, taking my nail polish off (wondering if it is really “green”), reading an article in Yoga International when I realize I’m reaching to turn my music up louder…..it’s not that I can’t hear the music…it is more like I am getting into the article a little too deep and looking for a way out of confronting something internally.  It’s been so very easy (being busy) to let myself become distant to everything around and so detached that I’m not really experiencing but just doing.

I used to attend these meditations where the theory of thought was the experience is where it all is – or at least that is what I took from it.  I guess that must have just been my experience, though, because that I what I’ve found to be so true - if we are not experiencing what are we doing after all?

So here I find myself SUPER busy every week…looking for more and more ways to get out of my space and into some other area of “importance.”  The funny thing?  I do feel like I find myself in important positions, but that alone is not satisfying to the soul.   So here I am truly wanting to find out what purpose I am really to have.  I mean I think I’ve always been a searcher and wonderer, but I really feel like right now it’s in go mode.  Decisions have never been this easy to make.  Basically the train of thought seems to be “does this feel right in my gut? No. Ok then time to go.”  It’s almost like all those burdening decisions that would take me months or even a year to make happen all of the sudden now….the pain is all still there, just not quite as long. 

Anyway – before I fall asleep at the table  I’m going to bed – but I guess all I’m doing is trying to remind myself to enjoy the experiences of life – no matter what the present situation is.  AND my wish is for you to enjoy your life experiences as well….wherever you find yourself…

Peace, Love Grace

Em

Comments

[Dylan Certain]

what you need is a vacation take a week off from everything and hang out with friends do something that you haven't done in awhile your working yourself too hard em enjoy being young while you still can. you just need to relax and have your friends help take your mind off things. =)