peace, love, grace

Emily

while playing in a cover band was INCREDIBLE performance experience, i think it's time i really start to figure out what i'm doing...what i have to offer.  the new keyboard player they found came to our gig last Saturday and kept asking me, "what are you going to do? what are you going to do? why are you quitting? what are you going to do?"  honestly, i can't answer that question yet, but i can tell you one thing and that is annie up is no longer where i belong.

I used to attend these meditations where the theory of thought was the experience is where it all is – or at least that is what I took from it.  I guess that must have just been my experience, though, because that I what I’ve found to be so true - if we are not experiencing what are we doing after all?

So here I find myself SUPER busy every week…looking for more and more ways to get out of my space and into some other area of “importance.”  The funny thing?  I do feel like I find myself in important positions, but that alone is not satisfying to the soul.   So here I am truly wanting to find out what purpose I am really to have.  I mean I think I’ve always been a searcher and wonderer, but I really feel like right now it’s in go mode.  Decisions have never been this easy to make.  Basically the train of thought seems to be “does this feel right in my gut? No. Ok then time to go.”  It’s almost like all those burdening decisions that would take me months or even a year to make happen all of the sudden now….the pain is all still there, just not quite as long. 

Anyway – before I fall asleep at the table  I’m going to bed – but I guess all I’m doing is trying to remind myself to enjoy the experiences of life – no matter what the present situation is.  AND my wish is for you to enjoy your life experiences as well….wherever you find yourself…

Peace, Love Grace

Em

Keep your eyes peeled for the show on KWCH 12 on Saturdays at 10:35 p.m. and KSCW channel 33/cable 5 at 6:30 p.m. on Sundays.  It is a lot of fun and a great show about local businesses!

Also, you can find the shows online at kansascw.com  and the daily videos we post at kscwtv.com

Also, our band has just been booked in Las Vegas again for April!  We will be playing at Mandalay Bay!  Great place!

and the fundraiser I talked about for my friend Jon was a HUGE success, so thank you everyone that participated and donated.  He is an incredible man and I'm so glad he is loved by so many people. 

Anyway, it's a little late, so I'm headed to bed but thought I'd give you all a quick update.

Peace Love Grace

Em

So many new things have happened in the last couple of months, I do not even know where to start! 

I guess I will start with school.  I graduated December 12, 2010 with a bachelor's in music performance (jazz studies).  It was really scary for the two weeks after that when I was kind of just like, "what's next?"  I found myself clinging to the things I did have in my life to define me.  It is so funny how much we can define ourselves as "student" or "girlfriend" or even "Miss Kansas."  Sometimes we can do that to the point of forgetting who we are deep down.  So I found myself at the point around Christmas. 

Learning how to retrust and find faith in the universe is always a painful experience, but a very wise person once told me that without the pain, there is no growth. 

On an exciting note, I have found myself a very lucky individual to be employed starting Monday, Janury 10.  I will give some more specific details once everything is official, but let me just say, it is a GREAT opportunity!

Also, Annie Up is doing very well.  We have had a lot of continued succes in Oklahoma and had an AMAZING New Years Eve Party here in Wichita.

I want to give a shout out to my dear friend from high school, Jonathon Blank.  He was injured in Afghanistan in October and there will be an auction held to raise funds for his family and him.  It will be next Sunday, January 16th at the Augusta High School.  Lunch at 12 and the auction at 2.  Hope to see you there!

One last thing, Miss Kansas 2010, Lauren Werhen (who also happens to be a friend!) is competing at Miss America next Saturday on ABC, so make sure to keep your eye out for her.  She is a beautiful woman with a great shot at the crown!

Until next time (and hopefully it won't be several months)

Peace, Love and Grace

Em

What a busy year this is!  I have to say that I am truly enjoying it, though.  Classes are coming along ok and I finally have some direction for my recital, so all that should fall into place. 

What I really want to talk about is being on the road with the band.  Seriously, I LOVE IT!!!!!!  I would love to travel 5-7 days a week!!!  Now, when I walk into a gas station, it feels like home...ok, I don't love that part.  But seriously, I love driving to gigs, setting up, tearing down, heading to the hotel, hanging out, waking up late (or early, depending on the day), trying to work out on one of those crappy hotel treadmills, eating a bruised apple I threw in my suitcase, so on and so on.   I could describe every moment I think!  It is so nice to discover that not only do I thrive on that performance time itself, but I love to community of the band and being on the road.  The whole package!!!  Now, I have really got the passion in my gut!  Can't wait to see what happens...

Anyway, apparently I have to get sleep in order to function, so as usual, goodnight!

I wish you awareness today!

Peace Love and Grace

Em

It was not until we played a private party this past Saturday night that I realized all of the stress and pressure from school, the band, my own personal goals were really weighing me down.  It was then that I started to think about all of the pressures of life and living that weigh us down without us even realizing.  And then one day, everything starts to make us mad and we can't figure out what's really wrong. 

Well I was talking with a friend of mine last night and he recited a simple children's song we all know, "row, row, row your boat gently down the stream. merrily, merrily, merrily life is but a dream."  We are in this life to experience, right, and there are two ways, to go gently down the stream or to try and row the boat up the stream.  I am trying so hard to get that boat up the stream!  It is literally ridiculous sometimes.  My mind races like crazy and all I really need to be doing is reacting to the things that are happening right now.  No point in sitting here making up all of these "things that need to be done." 

I swear I go in cycles!  One day, of course going with the flow makes sense and everything gets done just as it should.  Then, my mind starts to kick in and try to dictate every hour of every day...and really, that is when i falls apart.  When I sit thinking about the paper due for Styles of Jazz, songs to learn for my recital, homework for computer science, listening and reading for Music History, the tons of songs to learn for Annie Up, working out, eating right, yoga, meditation so on and so on.  All of these things I have to do.

I've found myself stuck, yet again, in the haunting question of my ego, "What should I be doing right now?"  This question that robs me of the joys that are in the moment that is presently here.  Hoping that writing this can help me change my question, I think the appropriate question instead would be, "How am I giving love?"

Well, I'm hitting the wall so off to bed.  I hope you are floating gently down the stream.  Several wonderful beings around me are :)  I am happy for them, and also jealous :) But I suppose we will all be there soon enough.

Peace, Love and Grace

Emily

I am graduating in December, so this semester I'm taking 18 hours, on top of travelling/playing gigs with Annie Up every weekend.

A very cool opportunity has come up for the band, we are playing at Mandalay Bay in Vegas October 21, 22, 23.  The goal is to relocate the band out there and get work on the strip!  This past weekend was my second weekend playing gigs with the band and it is so much fun, i can not wait to go to Vegas!  REgardless of what happens, I think I may have to move out there anyway.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not a huge Vegas fan, I just see a lot of opportunity for "Emily the Musician" to get some work... :)

Anyway, I should get ready for class, so more of the "deeper stuff" to come later!

Peace, Love and Grace

Em

All the normal things are still happening.  I am practicing for a couple upcoming things, performing at Cabaret Oldtown on the weekends.

What has really started to happen in the last few days is that I have really begun to focus on my spiritual journey.  This website really started to build my identity as "Emily the Musician," but none of that will ever matter if I do not get outside of this ego...lol.  Anyway, the past few years have really been years of growth for me individually, but the last year in particular opened my eyes to how closed off I still am, I still resistant to change. 

Oneness Kansas had a monk, Doug,  from Oneness University in India come to our blessing this weekend.  We also got some time to listen to him speak and address our questoins.  The biggest thing he stresed was to quit resisting.  Quit resisting the pain that we feel.  We are not here to get out of our heads and our bodies and to be oblivious to the physical body, we are here to have the physical experiences that are given to us.  It is not until we fully experience the pains within us that we will truly be able to let them go.  This means, I have to quit running from all of the charges within myself.  We all have to quit running.  Doug put it this way, "Quit running from the tiger.  Turn around and let the tiger eat you."  It is so true.  It is just like when I had substance issues.  The harder I tried to run from issues in my life, the harder they became to confront. 

If there is one thing I will take away from meeting Doug, it is to be a warrior.  To take everything as it comes, head on.  To not give in and be a victim, but instead, to confront everything and push into in the pains of life.  Of course, not every moment of every day is pain, but learning to love the moments that are not "feel good" moments just as much as the "feel good" momemnts is the challenge for the rest of my life probably.

In peace, love and grace

Emily

My first two shows at Cabaret Oldtown were this past Friday and Saturday, and I have to say all the hard work payed off!!!  As I mentioned in the last post, I was all practice, practice, practice! Thank goodness, too, becuase that was a difficult show.  I will continue playin the Kyle & Monte show through mid July then begin another show at Cabaret Oldtown.

Also last Saturday, on of my best friends, Megan Martin (no Weide) got married.  I am so excited for her to start her life with her now husband, Brian.  It was an honor for me to be able to play for her wedding and I am so thankful to have such a wonderful friend as Megan. I wish you many, many happy years lovie!

Last Sunday, I did something very exciting!  We have a polo club in Wichita!  Did you hear that? I said, WE HAVE A POLO CLUB IN WICHITA!  I was able to not only attend but start the game off by singing the National Anthem.  What a wonderful sport, and actually, here in Wichita it is affordable to be a spectator, so if you are at all interested, come check it out!  Every Sunday afternoon at 2 p.m. there will be a game.  The website is:

www.wichitapolo.com

Last night, an old student of mine was celebrating his 16th birthday, and funny enough, he wanted to learn more about jazz again, so for his birthday, his mother had me give him a lesson.  It was a blast!  I had forgotten how much the teacher learns!  I am excited to begin some more lessons with this young man, as he is very much like myself: interested in many different types of music!  We will be focusing on jazz, but he is also interested in composing, classical, pop, etc.  What fun!

Finally, I have decided (after being stubborn and creating a lot of damage to my vocal chords) that I will begin taking voice lessons.   Why did it take so long, you may ask.  I have no clue!  Probably pride...  Anyway, next post I will update, as the first lesson has not yet been scheduled.

With much peace, love and gratitude to you for taking the time to read this post!

Emily